Shelly Berman and Lily Tomlin Are Finally Off the Cell Phone

Californians are finally acquiescing to the new laws prohibiting one handed cell phone use in the car.

California Moves to Curb Bad Habits of Motorists

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LOS ANGELES — On any given day on a California freeway, it is not uncommon to see a young woman, phone cradled against one ear, carefully painting her nails a winsome shade of crimson, looking up now and then to inch her car forward in traffic.

Long commutes and a passion for the auto have long combined to make the California car a second home. But that way of life is being chipped away slightly, with a series of new laws — and more being contemplated by state legislators — that take aim at the bad habits of the state’s 22 million drivers.

Last week, California became the fifth state to require that all drivers use a headset with their cellphones. Drivers under the age of 18, under a separate law, may not use a wireless telephone of any form while operating a motor vehicle, a law shared with 13 other states. (Adults can be pulled over just for the cellphone infraction; teenagers have to be committing another offense to be cited for yakking.) For the entire article go to New York Times.com

Okay, we all know the story. Drive down the street and you see in almost every car someone talking on the phone. That someone might even be you. Whoever it is, they tie up traffic and cause accidents, losing their thoughts to their conversation, rather than driving.

True, we are a multi-tasking civilization. But there was a time when it actually required a modicum of focus to drive around in a two ton car. Now, suddenly, it seems we know longer require that focus. We, the population with the attention span of a demented newt, are suddenly not required to focus on little things like avoiding damage to life and limb. And property. Pretty amazing. Throw a TV in there, a computer, and hey, the same people that can’t walk and add at the same time are suddenly talking and driving with one hand clasped up to their ears.

No more. At least in California. According to this article, some are calling it a lifestyle change. Well, it is. Now you have to shut up and drive, or at least be able to drive with two available hands. No more of those ugly, wide swinging turns because you only have one hand to guide the wheel. No more gabbing to your friends that you just saw five minutes ago.

What is it, really? Are the distractions so necessary because we can’t bear to be alone? And how much is there to talk about? You hear people walking and talking on the street and in the super market, and, let’s face it, no great nuggets of wisdom are being issued through the cell phone speaker. So shut up and drive, and stop whining about it.

Some like to argue that it is not the one handed driving that results in accidents, but rather the distraction. Yeah, sure. Maybe both. But common sense dictates that controlling a car with one hand free is more difficult, come and emergency, than driving with two. You wouldn’t scale a cliff with one hand, would you? Unless you were a one armed cliff climber. Not many of those around. You wouldn’t make love with one hand. Unless you were making that love to yourself. You wouldn’t dress with one hand or cook with one hand. You wouldn’t fight with one hand or shop with one hand. So what makes you think you can drive with one hand?

Some complain the law is too harsh. Oh, my. I don’t think it is nearly harsh enough. Forget about the fines. I truly believe that for first offense, getting caught driving with a cell phone up to your ear, is punishable by having that cell phone shoved deep enough into your posterior that the vibration setting has sexual overtones. For second offense, it can be removed with a chainsaw. Anybody with me on this? Probably not. Oh well, we’ll just have to go for the fines.

Despite the fines, the law and the rest of it, when you drive through the streets of LA you still see people one handing their cell phones. I guess they believe it is their right to do so. It seems it’s always a certain type of ignoramus that didn’t read the memo.

Well, here’s a word of advice. Shelly Berman, noted stand up comedian made a comic act out of using the phone. Very funny. Lily Tomlin, as the immortal Ernestine, did a wonderful sequence of comic sketches using the telephone. I’m sure I am forgetting others. But as for you, unless you have a great comic act or in some way can achieve immortality by employing the cell phone, only use it hands free while driving. It’s not only the law, but it’s also the smart thing to do. Who knows? Maybe when you are off the phone you may actually take time to look around and enjoy the moment.

Author: Gordon Basichis

Gordon Basichis is the Co-Founder of Corra Group, specializing in pre-employment background checks and corporate research. He has been a marketing and media executive. He is the author of the best selling Beautiful Bad Girl, The Vicki Morgan Story, a non-fiction novel that helped define exotic behavior in the late twentieth century. He has recently published The Cuban Quarter, The Blood Orange, and The Guys Who Spied for China, dealing with Chinese Espionage in the United States. He is the author of The Constant Travellers. He has been a journalist for several newspapers and is a screenwriter and producer.